Do I Have To Have A Niche? Exploring Coaching Without A Niche

“It’s not just that there is always a way; there’s always a scenic route you can take too, if only someone showed you it existed, when you were too tired to see.”

-Simran & Raj (names changed)

It was only my second time coaching a couple. I was asked to coach and I found no reason to deny. I've been grappling with the personal question: 'Do I need to have a niche?' I’ve coached and continue to coach many individuals in a one-on-one setting. Interacting with humans, who are multidimensional beings, reinforces my belief that I do not want to limit myself to a niche. Yet. 

When relationships are a predominant cause of turbulence, we address that, through individual soul-searching and clarity. When career is of concern, we explore life’s purpose and calling. When habits and discipline are in question, we engage in the strengthening of conscious presence.  When vision and ethos for a budding venture is being sought, we engage in deep self-work. I am not just a habits coach or a relationship coach or a career and business coach. Well, while I do see the profoundness of the word ‘Life Coach’, I also wonder how much this phrase has been overused and probably lost its true power. I call myself a Growth Coach, for now, as it seems to align most with what I pursue. I am both a passionate human being and passionate about human beings. My life's purpose is to realise my true potential as it continuously flows, grows, and unfolds through me. My life’s calling is to engage in therapeutic and transformational work towards human well-being. Maybe that’s my niche! Whatever I am called to, that relates to human well-being, is my niche. 

At the end of an intense session over two days with this beautiful couple, while I went through self-doubt for the briefest moment and somehow tuned back into wellness from a place of trust and compassion, we found light at the end of the dark tunnel! Light doesn’t necessarily refer to ‘eternal love’ or patching up, although in this case, it was. Light refers to that brilliant moment of clarity and self-love. It is only from self-love that one can experience genuine (baggage-free) love for another, whether one chooses to continue walking together or lovingly tread separate paths. 

Here’s the rest of the beautiful sharing from these beautiful humans, Simran & Raj (names changed), I had the opportunity to work with: 

“Just like we don’t always have to figure out everything by ourselves for ourselves, two of us don’t have to figure it all out between ourselves in a relationship either. Sometimes, all you need is someone with true compassion to hold the space for the two of you while you allow the “worst” of you to flow out, without fear of judgement, or reaching a dead end. 

Not having someone there to hold this safe space for you at such a time versus having someone, can be the difference between throwing a lit match in a haystack vs throwing it in a pond - one could potentially burn until there’s nothing but ash and the other makes the fire irrelevant because the pond can both accept it and dissipate it. Sumana was that pond for us, not deflecting, nor blowing out any of the matches being lit but simply being water, allowing it to fall into the space she held, until it became one with the water.

A conflict / fight is almost never about the subject we’re actually fighting over. The conflict exists because of some underlying fear that this subject is triggering in us. This isn’t easy to see, let alone admit, for those in the midst of a conflict, in their emotional distress.

Sumana’s presence and guidance with the right questions allowed us to identify and admit our worst fears aloud, fears that we wouldn’t even admit to ourselves, let alone to each other, in such a non-judgmental space, and eventually look at it all with the same compassion that she was looking at them with. And from that place of compassion, all these fears diffused without having to fight them to the ground. In the middle of a conflict, it is hard for the people in it to see beyond their own personal fears. We try to explain our perspective and justify why it is right by using past examples or future ‘what ifs’, none of which is relevant in our now. None of it is what our partner needs to hear. The real solution is usually so simple but it’s easy to get sucked into this vicious spiral if there isn’t someone guiding you back to the present moment over and over, someone who is able to look at the whole picture with both compassion and dispassion, someone who can lead you to find your own scenic route out of this jam. Truly no one I would trust more than Sumana to hold that space for us. 

Her understanding of the true reason for the conflict from her place of love led us to see it too. Her absolute knowing of the way forward for us, led us to see it with ease too. She’s not there to tell you what’s wrong and what’s right, in fact, in the space that she holds, we could see that all of it was right. I was right, and he was right too. And when everything is right, it could never be a dead end. When everything is right, there’s always a satisfying way forward.”

-Simran & Raj (names changed)

Want to engage in conscious self-work? Talk to me. Coach with me. Grow with me.

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