Are your actions rooted in fear or freedom?
What does this mean?
Consider the common strategies people use to combat bad habits or gain good ones (I make a list here based on what has been shared with me by family, friends, and clients, with their due permission):
Which of these do you relate to?
Deleting social media apps to reduce excessive browsing,
Switching to a ‘dumb’ phone,
Deleting Swiggy and Zomato apps to cut down on ordering takeout,
Not socialising to avoid conversations, drinks, and smoke,
Doing ‘busy’ work by watching educational YouTube videos in an attempt to convince yourself that you are being productive,
Finding an accountability partner to help you on your journey of discipline,
Using your willpower and forcing yourself to do extra workouts after a day or a few days of slacking off.
However helpful these actions may be—and I don’t disregard them one bit—I invite you to reflect on whether these actions, aimed at imposing discipline or structure, are often coming from a fear of falling back into bad habits, or simply falling back in life.
Am I trying to break a habit because I logically know it is harming me?
Here, both my motivation and my action, whether successful or not, are rooted in fear. E.g., I want to quit smoking because I know it is bad for my lungs. I fear poor physical health.
Am I attempting to build a new habit or discipline because it would help me lead a better life than I currently have?
Here, the thought backing my motivation and action to build this new habit could be rooted in a current deficiency I'm experiencing—the feeling that I am not yet good enough.
Then should I not experience lack or fear? But I do. And isn’t this feedback beneficial for me to progress? To improve?
Go ahead and see the lack or fear, but recognize that it is only a small part of your mind experiencing this—the reptilian brain, your fight-or-flight programming. And this part of you is hardly you; it's merely your survival mode, your lowest mode of operation. This survival mode, often operating beneath your conscious awareness, acts like a shield against life's challenges, steering you toward familiar comforts and quick fixes. For instance, when stress hits, it may coax you into reaching for a cigarette, indulge in comfort food, or escape through binge-watching or browsing for temporary relief. While this reflexive response aims to alleviate immediate discomfort, it may not align with your long-term goals or well-being. So, while this survival brain serves a purpose in shielding you from immediate stressors, it may not always guide you toward outcomes that ensure longevity or align with your desires.
What is beneficial for your progress is not to focus on where you lack, but to see where you are inspired to grow and move forward. Maybe the experience of lack is a cue or catalyst to realise where you want to go, or maybe not. Just don’t give too much importance to the lack.
Have you thought about why we feel the need to be disciplined?
Is it because we hope our subconscious habits and disciplined actions will naturally take us through the right course, relieving us from the burden of conscious, responsible choice? Well, that works! But possibly not in the long run. Whether you like it or not, it is only your conscious mind in each moment of its existence that can show you the right way for that moment. Your subconscious is too deep for anyone to fathom and whether you have trained it with immense discipline or not, it is only a function of your past and may not have the right answer for your present.
What you need is not to break an existing habit or to build a new one; what you need is to strengthen your connection to your present self.
Master the art of presence, and become a live witness of all your conflicting urges that battle it out each time: temptation vs. logic, procrastination vs. pressure, and many more. Each time a different urge wins. Sometimes, you'll give in to temptation; other times, you'll push through based on logic. At times, you'll procrastinate, while other times, deadlines or responsibilities will push you forward. But in all these moments, you're controlled by your survival instincts. Sure, you might win sometimes by relying on your subconscious mind, like finishing a task under pressure after procrastinating. But ask yourself: Is this the lifestyle choice you want to make? Are you content living under the influence and mercy of your past programming, or are you eager to explore how conscious presence can transform your life?
You can train your mind and body, using willpower, to perform specific actions, similar to discipline and habit-building strategies in behavioural science, analogous to machine learning. This could help for as long as you can sustain your willpower. And you’d need different strategies and practices for different habits that you are trying to build or break, because you are working on yourself from the outside in, just like conventional medicine that treats the symptoms and not the root. But these are not necessarily actions rooted in freedom.
What would an action rooted in freedom look like and feel like?
It would feel like no struggle. It would feel like the easiest way to be. It would feel like the only natural thing to do. You would be free from the need for discipline, yet appear to the world as disciplined. You’d be free from self-enforced structure, yet appear structured. You’d be free from the need to take any action, yet appear to be constantly taking the right action.
How can I access these states of freedom?
By mastering the art of witnessing yourself in the moment—we call it presence. When you do this, you clearly see all the different voices in your mind battling it out: temptation and logic. You notice your body’s symptoms like jitters, hot flashes, or cold sweats. You see it all until they pass. Most of the time, by doing nothing but observing yourself in your current state of discomfort, you’ve done the right thing. You’ve let it pass. You are already on track. You’ve probably already set off in the new direction you thought you’d have to forcibly build via habit.
Here’s an example of what you could do in a real-time situation when battling an urge you consider a bad habit. Download this editable PDF ‘Mindful Moment’.
Want to engage in conscious self-work? Talk to me. Coach with me. Grow with me.
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