The other day, my dad sent me this wonderful reel that left me reflecting deeply. It talked about how, as parents, it’s not our job to make our kids happy. The creator explained something that resonated so strongly with me—that when we try to “fix” our kids’ emotions, like cheering them up when they feel less-than, we might unintentionally teach them to avoid or suppress certain emotions.
She highlighted the dangers of avoidance, showing how it can limit our kids’ emotional resilience, and emphasized how important it is to help them accept and embrace the full range of their emotions. Her words stayed with me and sparked some deeper reflections, which I’d love to share here.
As parents, we are learning and growing alongside our children. It’s not about being perfect, or understanding all these psychological nuances and embodying them flawlessly every moment for our kids. Instead, it’s about taking each moment in stride and being a living example of striving to grow. In fact, I believe the most powerful gift for our children is showing them, through our own actions, how to grow with love, honesty, and resilience.
If this idea about avoidance and the possibility of passing it on to our children stirs something within you, I’d say approach it with love and curiosity, as if you were also your own child. Let it be an invitation to pursue clarity and work through whatever it is that’s coming up for you, but without any self-inflicted shame. Instead, do it with openness and a whole lot of self-love.
The best thing you can do for your child is to work on your own inner child—openly, lovingly, and with an acceptance of your imperfections. Parenting isn’t about controlling their psychological environment to make them happy or protect them from challenges. It’s about showing them, through your actions, that you are willing to grow and embrace life as it is. Kids thrive in an environment where their parents are actively working on themselves, not hiding their struggles but facing them with love and honesty.
Here’s my little extra thought on the topic:
It’s not our job to make our children happy, and it’s certainly not our job to make them suffer to teach life lessons. It’s our job to simply watch them grow. The things we do for them and the decisions we make while they are young are just stories we tell ourselves about who they are and what we think is best for them. And that’s okay—as long as we’re also truly watching them, tuning into the feedback they’re giving us (verbally or non-verbally), and allowing ourselves to adjust our course based on this awareness.
Wonderful parenting is already happening when we’re striving to be more and more present, reading those cues, and allowing ourselves to adjust our course based on this sense-perceptive awareness. There’s no such thing as a wrong decision in this way of parenting—everything becomes part of an exploratory process of growth, for them and for us.
We are wonderful parents!
For more context, here’s the reel that sparked these reflections:
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Love it!
Refreshing take on parenting!
Good one..
U are right!!!... it's not about protecting them from adverse environment but to make them face it and live with good principles..
Loved it
Parenting is not abt being perfect . it's a learning process in itself . It's also about how you grow as a parent.
A very practical and different perspective admist a series of theories /judgements on what is right and wrong parenting
Superb and we'll done :-)
Wonderful Article!